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endrin

by endrin

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1.
what do you do what do you do what do you do what do you do what are feelings and how do you know i dont believe right next to me thats where it all blurs out trying to bleed as i turn off myself beating up and falling down as i try to put on my cleats i notice somethings wrong and thats why i run away when people say that nothing nothings changed but its in my head and thats enough to make me sad as i turn off my cell phone see that love is in the air and i want to to not be there i dont believe right next to me thats where it all blurs out trying to bleed as i turn off myself beating up and falling down as i try to put on my cleats i notice somethings wrong and thats why i run away when people say that nothing nothings changed but its in my head and thats enough to make me sad im not one to easily bruise im not one to easily bruise im not one to easily bruise im not one to easily bruise im not one to easily bruise im not one to easily bruise im not one to easily bruise im not one to easily bruise im not one to easily bruise im not one to easily bruise im not one to easily bruise im not one to easily bruise im not one to easily bruise im not one to easily bruise im not one to easily bruise im not one to easily bruise i dont believe right next to me thats where it all blurs out trying to bleed as i turn off myself beating up and falling down as i try to put on my cleats i notice somethings wrong what do you do what do you do what are feelings and how do you know i dont believe right next to me thats where it all blurs out trying to bleed as i turn off myself beating up and falling down as i try to put on my cleats i notice somethings wrong what do you do what do you do what are feelings and how do you know
2.
eidolon 09:18
where did you go on your own down the pavement cross the grass where did you go on your own down the pavement cross the grass these trees are killing me those eyes right into me these trees are killing me those eyes right into me before was bad can always get worse unprovoked uninvited unprepared what made you think this was eldorado hope thats not to much to ask the cretian grotto bending out down a road obscure and lonely ill angels haunt me only the lakes just sad and chilly wish i was a lolling lily uninvited unprepared what made you think this was always always always always there always always always always there oh its better this way something else id need to use an ashtray but when my coat hanger falls off the rack oh youll never want me back uninvited unprepared what made you think this was
3.
nightlife 09:46
i hope you know this isnt what i wanted i hope you know that i care i hope you know this isnt what i wanted i hope you know that i care last night i saw my first cousin in little little ethiopia he has 21 years on me but he always tried to make it feel like none we didnt really talk the next day at the top of the hill he pinned a succulent to his breast it matched the bouquet he asked me how i was holding up and i said good i dont know how true that was i heard pumped up kicks at the reception and i kind of wanted to get drunk but i didnt know how and also i could never and then i did and then i lied so i walked around with my empty water glass and my brother who almost understands me and i still hide my emotions while i project something else last summer we met my cousin david at eagle river it was there that i saw happy memories and the night sky through the trees and the yellow light through the windows while i watched the campfire burn and honestly i laugh more than i cry and honestly i laughed more than i cried but when they danced to neil young i wanted to get up and just keep rising and when city lights came on i buried myself in my notes and thought about suddenly dying but then i watched a baby sleep and ate an ice cream sandwich with an edible wrapper and i thought about how far ive come and i really felt a lot better and yes it all makes me think of myself but most of all it makes me love them and as her brother the reverend said tonight oh partners for life drown your troubles in spite do you sleep with a light drown your troubles in spite do you sleep with a light i hope you know this isnt what i wanted i hope you know that i care i hope you know this isnt what i wanted i hope you know that i care every day i want to get up on your porch top but i hope that we can keep this going on and i know how this looks for you but id never mean to cause you any pain i hope you know this isnt what i wanted i hope you know that i care i hope you know this isnt what i wanted i hope you know that i care and then we did it at the drop of a feather we were asleep but i wish i could go back i got everything id pined for i lost everything i had i hope you know this isnt what i wanted i hope you know that i care i hope you know this isnt what i wanted i hope you know that i care
4.
everything comes back i guess you could say its where its supposed to be this is as much as i can say but i guess ill have to do it anyway please dont make me have to tell it twice keep on searching youll find yourself the right connections the top rung oh im not the one like the elephants that play in the yard after we take our afternoon like the ferns that part their lips so the lizards can go see the raccoons red green yellow orange blue purple and turquoise what a mud-luscious spring what a puddle-wonderful day and ever since the darkness left the face of the deep and god saw that the light was good all us little living creatures swirling across the earth and then it happened to us it was always things like this for me brought my thoughts to a dream and it was things like this for you behold it was very good keep on searching youll find yourself the right connections the top rung oh im not the one and heres where im supposed to paint some giant fresco over everything and its supposed to tell the world what i am and heres the spot where im supposed to fill in all that emptiness and all i can do is just add more what a beautiful wedding oh what a trite thing to say and i sure as hell have been down to ohio but i never had to pay if youve ever heard music for a large ensemble or thought about telephone lines or kept just watching yourself sink under everything you said was mine youd know youd know oh youd know youd know everything comes back i guess you could say its where its supposed to be this is as much as i can say but i guess ill have to do it anyway please dont make me have to tell it twice you went away from my window dont think any of this is because of us dont think any of this is because of us oh im not the one like the sky that lights the way for the day as it trickles by the loon like the earth that lets those monkeys look at so many different colors under the moon red green yellow orange blue purple and turquoise what a mud-luscious spring what a puddle-wonderful day but oh we really should have known that it must soon take place cuz when you showed me the river of the water of life it truly was bright as a crystal and then when it was shown to me what you never would have done well there was nothing left for me to say oh surely he soon must come dont think any of this is because of us dont think any of this is because of us oh im not the one
5.
after school 14:30
when i first saw you it was like the dust bowl had come back to finish what it started and for the longest time it didnt seem like it would end up any other way last thursday i was amazed ever since that christmas i went out to marine on st croix and i hope this never ends but well see i guess when you reach the top of the mountain countdown soon and ill be leaving cant keep myself off the beat lifes a dune and what is this feeling you dont have to prove yourself but im not so sweet homes a funny word to say to yourself it takes you back it takes me out and all those times theyre saved in stone but theyll never have anyone ever oh i never get over seeing you that way i dont know what i wanted i really have nothing to say it doesnt matter what ive said it doesnt matter what ive done its as simple as some one who wanted to just stop it baby moon if you know what im weaving up on the shelf under the car seat just a common raccoon all we did was believing even watching elf couldnt hurt our wheat oh please come home oh you just have to you never could have known what youd really done and all the pain youve caused your mother it means nothing to me not to me not to me its impossible to understand what ive been through maybe its for the best if we just stop this right here arent we so lucky that she missed his eye im just so glad things turned out this way this way this way if i ever fail never let me back in if god will be my witness ill never go hungry again oh it has to be it has to be it has to be oh it has to be it has to be it has to be its you
6.
finally 14:23
finally finally finally where i never thought id be finally finally finally where i never thought id be finally finally finally where i never thought id be blue moon rising over country roads i must have lost you but well never get old and the meteorite blocking the light and the stones you were tossing cross the sea i would have tripped through the day but you never would have let me anyway and the loves gone tomorrow and im never going home this world is but a vanity and replete with necessity this world is but a vanity and replete with necessity this world is but a vanity and replete with necessity this world is but a vanity and replete with necessity finally finally finally where im supposed to be finally finally finally where im supposed to be finally finally finally where im supposed to be next year all of this means nothing to me next year all of this means nothing to me next year all of this means nothing to me next year all of this means nothing to me next year all of this means nothing to me next year all of this means nothing to me next year all of this means nothing to me next year all of this means nothing to me next year all of this means nothing to me next year all of this means nothing to me next year all of this means nothing to me next year all of this means nothing to me next year all of this means nothing to me next year all of this means nothing to me next year all of this means nothing to me next year all of this means nothing to me next year all of this means nothing to me next year all of this means nothing to me next year all of this means nothing to me next year all of this means nothing to me ordinary ordinary did i go wrong did i go wrong ordinary ordinary did i go wrong did i go wrong ordinary ordinary ordinary ordinary did i go wrong did i go wrong did i go wrong did i go wrong ordinary ordinary ordinary ordinary did i go wrong did i go wrong did i go wrong did i go wrong ordinary ordinary ordinary ordinary did i go wrong did i go wrong did i go wrong did i go wrong were finally in bed were finally talking its out of my head id be so despairing you made me realize nothings as bad as it seems

about

now available digitally ! (and not on cassette anymore for a while lol)
written fall 2014-summer 2016
recorded in my bathroom summer 2016

credits

released August 28, 2016

artwork by cooper !

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endrin Minneapolis, Minnesota

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